Supercliche: Manhood of Steel
by ThreeHotPotatoes
Summary: Can a superhero with his head in the clouds put his heart on hold, or will the good citizens of Forks pay the ultimate price? That's all we have, people-well, that and a pledge to include some really hideous cliches along the way. Up, up, and away!
1. Chapter 1

**S**

"Wait until you meet this girl. She's fucking perfect!" Edward sucked up the last of his Cherry Coke. "The first time our hands touched I knew she was it for me."

"That's what you said about Tanya," Jake said, licking special sauce off his stubby, sausage fingers.

Edward grimaced as he watched Jake dry his hand on his red and blue tights. "Why're you wearing that shit, anyway? You look like that dumbfuck Spiderman."

"Spidey? Lookit my 'S'! I'm the Man of Steel!"

Edward shoved his glasses back on his face. "You're nowhere near cool enough to be that guy."

* * *

A/N: HIIII! We are baaaaaaaaaaaack! And DID YOU SEE? Kitkat681 posted a new story tonight, too!

BEST NIGHT EVAR!

So... who's in for this one?

XX ~ Hot Tot (shell)


	2. Chapter 2

**S**

"Don't hate on me just because you didn't get bit by a radioactive bat and transformed into an awesome vampire superhero," Jake rambled, making shit up as he struggled to pull up briefs that half-hardheartedly covered his ass. Edward rolled his eyes as he pushed his glasses up his nose. The thick black frames stood out against his pale skin, but he had to wear them.

"Oh my God!"

Jake and Edward both turned toward the sound of a high-pitched scream coming from the table behind them. Edward's heart started racing as he prepared to spring into action.

* * *

**A/N: Oh mah GAWD! Cliches are HARD sometimes. *that's what he said*  
**

**I can guarantee only a few things...this is going to require a 'no reading while eating' warning and at some point someone is going to puke.**

**We love each and every one of you joining us on this crazy ride!**

**MWAH!**

**Mother Russett (MR) aka Kitkat**


	3. Chapter 3

**S**

"Gotcha! Over here, boys!"

"No! I'm not going back there! You can't make me."

Two guys in white suits closed in on Jake from both sides, grabbing his arms and folding them into the straitjacket. "Easy does it, Spidey," one said.

"Jesus, I'm Superman! Peter Parker got bit by a damn spider. I'm surrounded by fools!" Jacob railed.

"Thanks for the tip, Kent."

"You sold me out, you fucker?"

Edward's heart sank like a lead weight in his chest. Jake wasn't a bad guy, just too close to discovering Clark's true identity.

* * *

**A/N: This is really happening? Strap in, folks. **

**xxx**

**IDH**


	4. Chapter 4

**S**

Edward wanted nothing more than to drown his sorrows in the nearest bottle but knew the cure for what ailed him was on the way. He sighed when he felt fingers scratch from the base of his neck up through his hair.

"I guess it didn't go that well?"

Edward groaned. "I'm the worst friend ever. I was so desperate to keep him here, I almost told him about us."

Sinking into the seat, Bella's hand fell to Edward's waist. "Sorry, baby. Guess it wouldn't have mattered since everyone thinks he's crazy now."

"Well, he is a little crazy, just..."

* * *

**A/N: SO! In true potato fashion... we've managed to confuse everyone (or at least ourselves) in the first three chapters! Takes us a little while to get into the groove, peeps! Sorry about that. **

**Recap Time!**

**Edward is SuperEdward.**

**Clark Kent is his cover. **

**Edward was worried Jake was going to figure out who he was, so he set Jake up to be carted away.**

**This was believable because Jake was dressed like a superhero. **

**And now we've met Bella who appears to know who he is and perhaps a little smitten.**

**Any questions?**

**You guys are awesome. The reviews are awesome. Thank you so much. I'm out of town for a few days so I can't respond to many, but I'll answer any questions at least. THANK YOU!**

**xx ~ ****HT**


	5. Chapter 5

**S**

"…not crazy enough to be tossed into an insane asylum." Bella stifled a giggle as Edward threaded his fingers through hers where they rested against his side.

"You had to do what you had to do to protect yourself," she said vehemently, using the fingers still in his hair to shake him slightly. Edward sighed as he rested his head against her oh-so-comfortable shoulder.

"You're the best kinda girl, you know that?"

"You mean the kind that can bend and contort themselves into any position imaginable?"

Edward lifted his head, pressing his lips to hers.

"That's exactly what I mean."

* * *

**A/N: How could anyone be confused after Hot Tot's awesome explanation? Even I learned a whole lot!  
**

**This is INSANE! But oh so fun!**

**You're up, I da HO!**

**MWAH!**

**MR **


	6. Chapter 6

**S**

"Oh shit. What did you eat for dinner, babe?"

Bella gasped. "I'm so sorry, sweetie. My parents took me to Olive Garden. I forgot . . . sweet Jesus, you're turning yellow . . . here, I've got some fennel in my pocketbook. Quick!"

Edward crunched the aromatic herb, his good humor not quite returning with his color. "Your father did this on purpose. He hates me."

"Now you're just being paranoid. Daddy doesn't know about your garlic thing."

"If I didn't know better, Bella, I'd think your father knows way more than we give him credit for."

* * *

**A/N: What would a possibly vampiric Superdude have as kryptonite? And did you know that fennel KILLS garlic breath? ME NEITHER! Look at MR trying to make this all sweet! BUT NO! I swoop in and have the evil gf (or whoever she is) kissing him to his super death! NOW...what do you have to say about all this, HT?**


	7. Chapter 7

**S**

"No way." Bella rolled her eyes. "He's dumb as a brick, baby. We're safe."

Edward leaned forward to gently rub his nose against Bella's, avoiding the garlic breath of death. "Can we _please_ go back to my place so you can help me forget about this horrid day?"

"Rawr!" Bella jerked Edward out of the booth, pulling him flush against her and licking his neck. "Mmm... you taste too good to wait. My alley is closer..."

Edward's ringtone interrupted making them groan.

_They call me Superman_

_Leap tall hoes in a single bound_

"_Fuuuuuck_. Why does this damn app always..."

* * *

**A/N: WHAAAAAAAAAAT is going on? Is Bella Catwoman? Wasn't she in the batman movies? Why am I mixing up superheros?**

**I'm posting this on my deathbed of sickness since I'll be traveling most of the day tomorrow. So be nice to me if it sucks;)**

**What's next, MR?**

**XX ~ HT**


	8. Chapter 8

**S**

"…go off when I'm about to get off?" Edward snarled as he grabbed for his phone. The message flashing on the screen did nothing to improve his mood. "It's another damn cat stuck in a tree. Why don't they just get a ladder out there instead of bothering me?"

"Deep breaths, Edward," Bella soothed, running her hand beneath the hem of his shirt to stroke the smooth skin covering his spine.

"Thanks, baby," he sighed, leaning back into her touch. They both startled when his app chimed again and Edward kissed Bella's cheek quickly before he sprinted out the door.

* * *

**A/N: Our superhero has an app for danger? Yep. There's an app for that.  
**

**Poor Hot Tot. She's such a trooper! We're gonna force I da Ho to hold up on the next chapter so we can get the Tot healthy.**

**LOVE YOU GUYS!**

**MWAH!  
MR**


	9. Chapter 9

**S**

_[Ding ding] "You have arrived." _

Edward stuffed his phone into the concealed pouch at his wrist as he glided feet-first to the ground. Superman's off-kilter internal compass was his own damn business, and only his loyal gadget maker and long-time friend, Jasper Whitlock knew the truth.

"You're here!"

Superman spun around, bracing himself for impact with a huge set of knockers headed straight for his massive chest. Impact in three . . . two . . . one!

He heard a breathy sigh as she relaxed into his brawny arms. "Easy, little lady. What seems to be the problem?"

"It's my mischievous kitty."

* * *

**A/N: Hmm, how's Superman's MORAL compass? Is he enjoying those knockers? What will Catwoman have to say about that mischievous kitty?**

**Here's hoping Hot Tot's head is feeling better soon. Will she dot-dot-dot MR again? I'm dying of suspense here! **

**xx**

**IDH**


	10. Chapter 10

**S**

Edward stumbled back, gaping at the brazen buxom beauty before him. "Your what?"

"My _kitty_ is in need of serious attention. No one's seen her for days, and—"

"_Reeeeeoooowwww_!"

As soon as Edward heard the far off screech in his ear, he interrupted his supposed victim in an attempt to save her from his girlfriend's super-wrath. "Okay! Time for me to go! Good luck with that feline issue!"

"But wait! I need your help!" the woman cried, grabbing Edward's arm.

"I'd let go of that arm unless you want your kitty to get a case of cat-scratch fever, _bitch_."

* * *

**A/N: Holy Alliteration, Batman! err... Superman!**

**And OF COURSE Edward has a strong moral compass. He's purrrrrrrrfect! BAHAHAHA!**

**DUDE! What's Bella going to do? IDK... Tell me about it, MR!**

**xx ~ HT**

**PS... Thanks for the well wishes. You guys rock awesomesauces. **


	11. Chapter 11

**S**

Edward jerked his arm free from the desperate grip of the woman, trying to save her from what would mostly likely be a painful death at the hands of Bella.

"Sweetie, let me explain," Edward said softly, holding his hand out toward his loving girlfriend.

"Do I need to pee on you again to keep these bitches away?" Bella hissed. Edward wished he had a moment to just stare at his girlfriend in all her black leather-clad glory, but if he didn't diffuse the situation soon, fur would fly.

"I don't think another golden shower will solve anything," Edward teased.

* * *

**A/N: How the hell could I follow those last two epic chapters? With pee jokes of course. :-)  
**

**Love you guys like crazy!**

**MWAH!**

**MR**


	12. Chapter 12

**S**

_"Hisssssssss!"_

Crap! When would Superman learn that his twisted attempts at erotic humor only agitated Catwoman further? Claws were out and Bella was crouched and ready to pounce.

Then again, Bella was sexy as fuck right now, and he had the steel rod in his tights to prove it.

Edward gave his head a rough shake. _Not the time or place_.

"Pussycat," he soothed her with a voice as rich and smooth as honey, "this is just my day job. You are my life now."

Cautiously dipping to one knee, he swept his fingertips along her spine. "Easy, babe, easy."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, worked in a few tired cliches with that one. What? You hadn't noticed? Bahaha!**

**Looks like Superman has Catwoman purring and eating out of his hand. Can he finally take care of that other lady's kitty, HT?**

**By the way, Twi Trek was nominated for Top Ten Completed Fics in July, so if you'd like to give us your vote and also find some other terrific stories to read, go and check out this link: **_twifanfictionrecs dot com slash 2013/08/01/vote-for-your-top-ten-completed-fics-ju ly-2013/_

**XOXO  
****~IDH****  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**S**

Edward could feel Catwoman's purr of delight rumbling in his own chest as she gently head-butted his shoulder and licked his neck.

The blonde tsked as she observed their exchange. "She seems like a broken pussy to me. I, on the other hand, have a wild one that still needs taming. Think you have something that could _whip_ it into shape?"

Shell-shocked, Superman let go of his girlfriend when she arched her back and lunged toward the woman with a death wish.

Edward gasped as Bella's claws gouged into the woman and tore of a chunk of her face revealing…

* * *

**A/N: HIIIIIII! I didn't forget. I swear! **

**Okay... I totally did so you all can thank Carrie for tonight's chapter. My bizzle. **

**On another note... I hope MR is still friends with me after she reads this since I dot-dot-dotted her _again_!**

**Also... who the hell names drops their own name in a fic? THIS GIRL!**

**Love to all!**

**xx ~ HT**


	14. Chapter 14

**S**

"Ahhhh!" Edward sat straight up in bed, his heart racing, screams still echoing through the room. He reached up to wipe the sweat from his brow, almost expecting it to be blood.

"You okay?" Edward looked down at Bella laying next to him. Her face was buried beneath her pillow, muffling her voice and hiding most of her features.

"Yeah," he sighed, trying to calm down. "Just another nightmare."

"Did I kill someone this time?" Bella mumbled, a teasing edge to her words.

"No, but it was close."

"Well, since we're both awake…" she said as she reached for him.

* * *

**A/N: WHA? What kinda girl spins a dream sequence? The same one who has to follow the name dropper and all her damn dot-dot-dots!  
**

**But at least I got us moving toward some sexy times. Unless da Ho says different!**

**MWAH!  
MR**


	15. Chapter 15

**S**

"Pussycat, I'm sorry but I'm not really in the mood."

Blankets went flying as Bella shot up beside him. "Shit, Edward. Not Jake again? Did you strangle him with his utility belt again?"

"No. Just delivered him to a padded cell."

Bella's shoulder nudged him playfully. "Progress! Dr. Banner would be so proud."

"Seriously, Bella," Edward scoffed, "that bat dude is grating on my last nerve. I swear he thinks he owns you! And that smug bat smirk . . ."

"Aww, my sweet, sweet Superman," Bella purred, scooting her warm, supple body around Edward's back. "It's always been you."

* * *

**A/N: NICE TRY, MR! No sexy times for these two. Not yet. ****What's this, a superhero love triangle?**What? You didn't know Superman had anger management issues? **Have no fear, SuperBanner is here! **

**What happens when one potato decides to make the whole story a dream? We get a do-over, with a chance of making sense this time! What did you say, MR? You didn't mean for the whole thing to be a dream? WOOPSIE!**

**Where do we go from here, HT?**

**xxx  
~IDH**


	16. Chapter 16

**S**

Edward crashed his mouth against Bella's, pouring all of his love into a sweet yet sultry kiss. "You were made for me, Bella. I can't remember a time when my heart didn't beat for you," he breathed.

This time when Bella's hand snaked down Edward's chest, he gripped her hand and slipped it beneath his mesh shorts.

"Mmm…" Bella purred.

"Fuck, baby. You're so much better than some fake blonde bimbo's pussy."

Bella's hand stopped working Edward's cock. "'Scuse me?"

"Nothing. Just don't—"

_They call me Superman!_

"_Nooo_! Fuck you, you fucking piece of shitified cock blocking distress app!"

* * *

**A/N: Aww... somebody gets grumpy when he doesn't get his. SO... that was all exciting, huh? It was all just a dream. I'll be damned. Did NOT see that one coming! And now we have a love triangle! Well... it's probably a lopsided triangle. Mebbeh an isosceles and Jake's the angle that's far away. And apparently there's a real distress call now! If there's a woman needing her cat rescued... I'mma flip my shizzle if Superman's dreaming the future, too!**

**Thanks for the love everyone! You all are amazing. (and maybe a little crazy) Truly:)**

**xx ~ HT**

**PS... Look who DIDN'T dot-dot-dot anyone!**


	17. Chapter 17

**S**

"Don't go off half-cocked," Bella soothed, handing Edward a nude jockstrap for him to don before putting on his tights.

"Hardy har har," Edward grumped as he struggled to shove his still-aching pole into the stretchy pouch of the jock. It was a tight fit even when his unit _wasn't_ fully engaged.

"Do you want me to ask the alley cats if they know what's going on?" she offered, not really wanted to move from her spot as she watched her man's ass flex as he kicked his feet into his tights angrily.

"You just keep the bed warm, Pussycat."

* * *

**A/N: So HA! I only meant for the whole 'blonde pussy' to be the dream. But that's what you get when you collab! DO OVER!  
**

**I'm so fail at review replies. I'm sorry. I suck more than you know. But I read each and every one, and I love you more for every sweet word and giggle-snort.  
**

**I absolutely love working with my Tot and da Ho. They are the fig spread on my cheese. :-)**

**MWAH!  
MR**


	18. Chapter 18

**S 18**

The superchron chimed twice as Superman flew over a row of warehouses. His X-ray vision sliced through the concrete slab at number 107. What he saw made his blood boil.

"Fuck me." _Where are those guys in white suits when I need them?_

Edward's red boots kissed the ground, setting him off into a dead run. Seconds from bursting through the wall, he was startled when the heavy door lifted.

"Someone's a little tense."

Edward's head snapped to the bat bastard's fugly smug smirk. "Who called a Justice League meeting?"

Wonder Woman's heaving bosom filled Edward's visual field. "I did."

* * *

**A/N: Yep. The Justice League is officially called to action. Must be some serious shizzle threatening Forks for all the heavyweights to come together. Can they stop bickering long enough to get the job done? Will Aquaman have to break up a fist fight? Will the Green Lantern have to light a fire or whatever he does? Who else is there? What's going on, Hot Tot?**

**We love you too, KK, though I don't know about spreading stuff on your cheese. Oh hey, why not?**

**Also, I wondered, can you coming fucking + ugly + smug? fusmugly? Tell me what you think, dear readers!**

**Double MWAH!  
IDH**


	19. Chapter 19

**S 19**

"Fuck me," Edward cursed as he eyed her Lasso of Truth. "Whose bed did you crawl out of long enough to realize we still have a city to protect?"

"Fuck you, Superman. Wanna take this to Italy and see how much of a badass you are surrounded by garlic?"

"Oooh, burn!" Jake said, fiddling with his grapple gun.

"No one asked for your opinion, AssBat," Edward snarled. "Can someone please tell me why we're here? And why didn't Bella get a call?"

"Because Catwoman is a _villain_. She must have a damn fine snatch to make you forget her past!"

* * *

**A/N: BAHAHAHAH - so... apparently they don't get along. At all. **

**And Wonder Woman is a whore. Imagine that.**

**So... just in case... we're all clear right? Jake is Batman and he was never actually carted away! That was all a dream!**

**You guys rock so hard!**

**What's next, MR?**

**xx**

**HT**


	20. Chapter 20

**~~S~~**

**20  
**

Edward leaned forward, his finger right in Jake's face.

"You talk about her like that again, I'll rip those stupid ears right off your head."

"I'd like to see you try, Super Douche," Jake spat back, his hands moving protectively toward the twin points protruding from his mask.

"Bend over and I'll shove a super douche right up that giant vagina you've got, Bat Twat," Edward snarled fiercely. Wonder Woman stepped forward, pushing the two testosterone-laden super heroes away from each other.

"Don't make me call Aqua Man over here to break this shit up. The dude smells like fish."

* * *

**A/N: Of COURSE Aqua Man smells like fish! Tell me something we DON'T know, Wonder Woman. I wonder which Twi woman Wonder Woman is. Hmmmm.  
**

**You guys rock like Adam Levine and Queen and...yeah...those are the only rockers I can think of. And they aren't really rockers.**

**It's been a LONG day!**

**What happens now, I da Ho?**

**MWAH!**

**MR**


	21. Chapter 21

**~~S~~ **

**21**

"All right, superpeople, let's simmer down."

Edward located the voice at the head of the table—the quintessential mad professor, the mild-mannered alter-ego of the parsley-colored maniac. Edward's private, dream-state anger management therapist in the flesh.

Banner saluted Superman with two semi-respectful fingers as he slipped into his chair to Banner's left.

"What up, green dude?"

"Seats, everyone. _Batman_, how many times have I told you not to walk on the ceiling?"

Edward leaned into the professor's ear. "Doesn't he make you MAD, Emmett?"

"Cut that shit out, Cullen!" Wonder Woman snapped.

"Fine, Hale. Let him look down your top."

* * *

**A/N: I have to say, I love what my fellow taters did with the Justice League idea. Petty jealousies and low blows? Count me in! This is FUN! I think we're starting to sort out what's real from what was dreamt, and maybe who's who Twilight-wise. Look out, people . . . there may actually be a plot in here somewhere!**

**Your potato, Hottie!**

**xx  
~IDH**


	22. Chapter 22

**~~S~~ **

**22**

"Come on, guys. Can't we just all get along? We need to debrief before our guests show up." Emmett took off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose.

"Guests? Since when do other people show up to super-secret superhero meetings?" Hale asked.

Before Banner could answer, an arrow whizzed past Edward landing dead center in the apple Jake was about to take a huge chunk out of. "Since the guests you invited were a better brand of superhero."

Edward's head snapped around and took in the tall figure dressed in all-black.

"Dammit, Emmett! You invited the fucking _Avengers_?"

* * *

**A/N: Well... now it's a damn party! HIIII, Hawkeye! ILY! *waves!***

**How the HALE was I supposed to follow up those chapters? By introducing a WHOLE NEW TEAM of superheroes that don't exist in the same world as the others, of course! Cuz that makes sense. **

**I've been trying to answer reviews, but if I haven't gotten to yours, I am sorry!**

**Love your faces, peeps! **

**xx ~ HT**


	23. Chapter 23

**~~S~~ **

**23**

"Settle down, Super Douche," Hawkeye cooed as he walked calmly to the front of the room and yanked his arrow out of the wall. Batman leaned over and elbowed Super Man in the side as he shouted toward the newcomer.

"Guess you didn't hear me call him that already."

"Cut the crap, you stupid flying mammal," Hawkeye hissed. The Black Widow intercepted him as he lunged toward where Bat Man sat.

"Be calm, Jasper," the Widow soothed as she ran her long, black nails over the vinyl chest of Hawkeye's chest plate.

"Would someone like to explain why we're here?"

* * *

**A/N:SHIT HAS GONE EPIC! Dude...we have so many super heroes now, I have no idea what to do! If anyone has special requests...please voice them now. I'd like to see Carlisle as Iron Man...but you never know. With his un-movable movie hair, he might make a great Aquaman!  
**

**MWAH!**

**MR**


	24. Chapter 24

**~~S~~ **

**24**

"We have a credible threat."

A hush fell over the room as Banner's words reverberated into the still air.

"Magnitude?" Hawkeye asked.

Banner paused before answering, making sure he had the absolute attention of everyone inside the glass dome. "If successful, these foes could wipe the state of Washington clear off the map."

"Who is it?"

"What are they after?"

"How do we squash them?" Superman's voice rose above the others.

"This will require a perfectly orchestrated land, water and air assault."

Batman was first to respond. "So we're fucked."

"You wish," Wonder Woman spat.

"Fuck you, Hale."

"Children, children . . ."

* * *

**A/N:I dot dot dotted Hot Tot! So much fun! Looks like our superheroes are gonna have to play nice . . . or else, what? I have no idea! Sorry for the delay, I had a tater tot to relocate this week and he had me using screwdrivers and hammers and even reading directions! AHHHHHH!**

**Can't wait to see who/what/where/when/how the superheroes are being challenged. Hottie?**

**xx  
****~IDH****  
**


	25. Chapter 25

**~~S~~ **

**25**

"...Don't get your panties in a twist. We have something up our sleeve to give us the upper hand. Something that even I believed to be nothing more than the crazy ramblings of an overactive imagination."

"Spill, Emmett. We don't have all day!" Rose ordered.

Emmett tossed the voluptuous blonde a wink. "One word, Superheroes... Hogwarts!"

"Pffft... You expect us to believe that not only are wizards real, but that-?"

Alice was interrupted by a small _pop!_ as a tall, gangly fellow with a lightening bolt scar and crazy hair appeared out of thin air.

"Hullo! Someone called for help?"

* * *

**A/N: I love getting dot dot dotted. True story.**

**And OMG HARRY POTTER! IT'S ABSOLUTE MADNESS IN THE JUSTICE LEAGUE!**

**ts4*mm*bing*net/th?id=H*4774875161823623&pid=15*1**

**(replace the * with .)**

**LOVE YOUR FACES! My mini-tot starts has his first real day of K tomorrow so I doubt I'll get to review replies tonight but you guys are so awesome. **

**xx**

**HT**


	26. Chapter 26

**~~S~~ **

**26**

"Everyone sit down and shut up!" Emmett's booming voice echoed through the large room, bringing everyone to a screeching halt. Seven pairs of eyes flew to the man who had started to turn faintly green.

"Calm down, Emmett," Superman soothed. "You don't want to go all Hulk on our asses."

"Maybe I do!" Emmett hissed, his eyes flashing black. "Maybe that's the only way I can get you all to listen." Once everyone looked properly chagrined and silent, Emmett continued.

"Mr. Potter here has joined with us to try and stop our evil counterparts."

"Are you trying to tell me…"

* * *

**A/N: A few chapters ago, our dear Shell Shock joked that she would add in Harry Potter. I never thought it would happen but yet...it has.  
**

**This just keeps getting better and better. **

**And yes...I just dot-dot-doted I da Ho. **

**Good thing she loves me!  
MWAH!  
MR**


	27. Chapter 27

**~~S~~ **

**26**

"For fuck's sake, Jake. Get a grip. I am _not_ trying to tell you that Forks, Washington is being attacked by fucking _Voldemort_. Can someone get me a Fresca?"

Wonder Woman flicked the tab on one of the cans and slid it down toward Banner's . . . paw. Fuck, the guy was getting hot under the collar and that made for one long-ass Justice League meeting.

Edward shot Jake a how-bout-you-shut-the-fuck-up look, and for once the guy listened.

Hawkeye pressed, "Who then, Emmett?"

In a move that turned Superman's veins to ice, Emmett turned and looked right at him.

* * *

**A/N: Hell no, our villain is not gonna be the big V! The Voldeturi? (thank you, Jayme TyZane for that mashup!)**

**Darn straight I love you, you dot-dot-dotters, you! And all you crazy reviewers who make us chuckle with your trying to figure this out and offer us logical ideas. **

**So who is it, Hot Tot? Who is so evil he/she turns Superman's blood to ice? **

**xx  
~IDH**

**PS- Good luck with the mini-Shock's first day of K tomorrow! And take your damn time posting, will ya? Sheesh! #whippersnappers!**


	28. Chapter 28

**~~S~~ **

**28**

"No!" Edward snarled.

"Ed… hear me out," Emmett insisted, though his voice was full of compassion.

"_No!_ Whatever you're thinking Bella's doing, you're wrong. She's not part of that life anymore."

"Chill out, Supe. Listen to the Jolly Green Giant so we can get this over with," Hawkeye chastised.

"Emmett, I'd swear my life on it."

"We have proof that Wildcat and Holly Robinson have teamed up to together for something huge. It's also become obvious they're getting inside information regarding our whereabouts."

"Then ask BatDouche! He's the one that took it up the ass from Wildcat for so long!"

* * *

**A/N: BAHAHA... WHOOPS! I just can't help myself! Don't worry. He's bi... we're still rockin' an acute isosceles love triangle!**

**Does anyone need help?**

**Edward - superman**

**Bella - Catwoman**

**Emmett - hulk/banner**

**Rose - Wonder Woman**

**Alice - Black Widow**

**Jasper - Hawkeye**

**Jake - Batman**

**I don't think we've assigned HP yet... **

**For those of you that don't know, Catwoman and Holly Robinson were friends back in the day. **

**Kiddo got on the bus fine this morning, and I survived! I posted a picture on my fb wall!**

**THanks for the love!**

**xx**

**HT**


	29. Chapter 29

**~~S~~ **

**29**

"Hey," Jake shouted, the visible part of his face flushing pink, "I told you that in confidence."

"Shut your face, you bi-curious flying rat," Edward hissed as he slowly stood and met the eyes of his fellow superheroes…and one awkward-looking wizard.

"I will _not_ have the woman I love placed on a hit list because of coincidences and speculation. Before we start compiling a list of enemies, we need proof and conclusive evidence of who's involved."

"I couldn't have said it better myself, lover."

Catwoman's voice echoed around the room as she sauntered her black leather-encased ass through the door.

* * *

**A/N: Have I mentioned that I've never seen any of these new super hero movies? Seriously. No Spiderman, no Superman, no Avengers or Iron Man or Captain America. Don't tell...but I haven't even seen (or read) any of the HPs. So I'm TOTALLY lost! Wiki is my bible!  
**

**Are you having fun? I'm having fun!**

**MWAH!  
MR**


	30. Chapter 30

**~~S~~ **

**30**

"Baby?" Superman's chair clanked to the ground as he jumped to his feet.

The click-click-click of Catwoman's boots pounded with the finality of gavel strikes on the maple floorboards.

_Guilty, not guilty, guilty, not guilty_.

Edward caught her mocha eyes and searched them for the truth he was desperate to find. What shone back gutted his superhero heart—two hundred proof of hurt.

Bella's perfect lips drew into a horrible, pinched pout. "Et tu, Edward?" she whispered as she dragged a long nail along his rugged jaw.

"No, baby, never." But it was too late, and they both knew it.

* * *

**A/N: Kudos to my fellow taters! Now we see how Superman is going to have to choose between his heart and the townspeople of Forks. At least, that was the premise of our summary! Look who put the angst in the light-hearted romance! How we doing on the 1-12 angst scale, Intricacy? *wink***

**What do you guys think? Did Catwoman do it? Did Catwoman do Holly? Holy smokes on the character introductions, KK. Did you know that DC Comics won an award in 2004 for introducing the first gay character in Holly? I'm impressed. And how fun!**

**XX**  
**~IDH**


	31. Chapter 31

**~~S~~ **

**31**

"Chill out, pussycat. He's was defending your honor before Colossus here mentioned your name. I'm sure he'll be happy to lick your _wounds_ until it's all better," Jasper grumped. "The _rest_ of us are having trouble buying your reformed villain act."

"Um, I'm not. I totally have your back, Bella."

"_Shocking_, AssBat! No one asked you," Rosalie snarked.

"My name is fucking _Batman_! Why does everyone hate me?"

"Because you're a douche, Jake. Get over it!"

"_Stupefy_!" Harry yelled with a flick of his wrist, instantly freezing everyone in the room. "Right. Well, I can see why you called, Em."

* * *

**A/N: Ahhhhh... I wasn't touching that angst with a ten-foot pole today! They can duke that out later!**

**I took a few liberties with the stupefy spell... we'll just pretend he can stun an entire room now that he's a badass auror. Kay?**

**Also... I'm actually feeling a little bad for Jake. Poor dude. Wonder why they hate him? Bet he cheated on Robin. Tsk tsk. Or imprinted on a baby. creepeh. **

**Thanks for the love peeps! Sorry I'm a little late. Busy weekend in the Tot house.**

**xx**

**HT**


	32. Chapter 32

**~~S~~ **

**32**

"I tried to warn you before you came in, but you thought I was kidding," Emmett sighed as he stared at the frozen tableau around him. Wonder Woman was staring at Catwoman's tits. Batman had his eyes locked on Hawkeye's ass, as Hawkeye and the Black Widow were groping each other beneath the table.

"Your plan revolves around these superheroes getting along, right?" Harry asked, his bushy brows pulling down as he tried to imagine a world where the egos sitting around him would cooperate.

It seemed impossible.

"I know, but I have one thing that will bring them together."

* * *

**A/N: What is that one thing, I da Ho? I'm so mean cause I have no idea so I just tossed it to her.  
**

**Does HP have busy brows? I have no idea. I did see him naked standing next to a horse once. Not as hung as the horse but not that bad. I'd bang the Potter.  
**

**Man...I need to get laid!**

**You guys (and my fellow taters) are amazing!**

**MWAH!**

**MR**


	33. Chapter 33

**~~S~~ **

**33**

"Sorry I'm late. My cape got stuck in the Batmobile door and Alfred had to sew it back together. Hey, wait a second . . . Holy crossovers, Batman! What is Harry Potter doing under the cone of silence? Batman? Hey! How come Batman's not moving? I mean, not at all. Not even that slow, annoying thing he does sometimes where like one syllable comes out every five seconds. This is freaky! I'm going to get Commissioner—"

"Sit down and shut it, Boy Underoo. Carlisle here is about to solve our problem."

"Who—?"

"Zip it!"

"The one thing . . .?"

"It's obvious! GLUE!"

* * *

**A/N:THE ONE THING THAT SOLVES THE WORLD'S PROBLEMS? Not too much damn pressure. I debated many things, including the secret power to enlarge peens, a satellite that would get them free cable forever, shrooms, love juice. Ah hell, but she said they'd have to stick together. I got the feeling this might work. There's even a Latin word for it, but that's up to Hot Tot!**

**Hey, nobody noticed Robin was missing? What's up with that?**

**Okay, MR, this is what happens when you leave major plot twists to the Ho. That'll teach ya!**

**xx  
~IDH**


	34. Chapter 34

**~~S~~ **

**34**

"Glue? That's the dumbest suggestion I've ever heard."

"Not literally," Carlisle said, clearly so exasperated with Robin that Superman would've smiled if he'd been able to move.

"Dude! Can you unfreeze them now? I don't like the way Batman is staring at that guy's ass," Robin whined.

"Oh, right. Sorry about that, mate. Bad luck on that one," Carlisle sympathized. "Finite incantatem."

The room erupted instantly around Superman, but he supposed there was at least a small improvement since everyone's anger was now directed at the boy who lived. Superman finally decided to take things into his own hands when...

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the delay everyone... real life, other stories, blah blah blah. **

**I did it again, but MR loves me so she'll forgive me. Plus she's have an awesome week (which tickles me to no end).**

**Thanks for all the love, guys. **

**xoxoxoxo**

**HT**


	35. Chapter 35

**~~S~~ **

**35**

"I thought we talked about you looking at other guys!" Robin squawked as he lunged for Batman. Superman bit his lip to stop from laughing as he watched the pint-sized sidekick slap his oversized partner.

"Sethie," Batman soothed as he easily trapped the younger man's arms to his sides, "just because my eye wanders, doesn't mean I'm looking to replace you. You're my boy wonder."

"Can we all just shut the fuck up?"

Everyone reluctantly looked away from the quarreling queens.

"We need to work together if we have any hopes of defeating Voldaturimort and the evil emperor of Doom."

* * *

**A/N: I am having a pretty good week! I have a date to go zip lining tonight. Super excited!  
**

**You are totes lucky I love your ass, Tot. MEAN! **

**So I think Carlisle is Harry? Does that mean we have an Esmemionie? Dude...we are butchering these characters. **

**What can you do with this mess, I da Ho?**

**MWAH!**

**MR**


	36. Chapter 36

**~~S~~ **

**36**

"Easy there, Jolly Green Giant."

Emmett stood suddenly, knocking his chair to the floor behind him. "You know I fucking hate that nickname, Black Widow."

Hawkeye slid his arm in front of Alice, placing his rippled body between his girlfriend and the burgeoning hulk. "Whoa, everybody. Let's all be calm."

"That shit might work on the rest of these superimpressionables, but it's not gonna work on me."

All eyes turned toward the Gryffindor holding the wand.

"Tell me why we should give a shit," Batman puffed.

"Oh, Batman, you really shouldn't have—"

"Oh please, Robin. What's he gonna do?"

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, Hottie, what's Harry gonna do? Methinks Batman's pecker's gonna take a hit from Harry's stiff wand! ;) **

**Hey, did you guys see what they did to my solution? I had it all worked out. Harry was gonna glue them all together. One big fat superhero with all the powers but only if they worked together. It was great- in my head. Oh well! Somebody else can figure out the actual solution. I'll just keep them fighting a bit longer, because it really is fun!**

**MWAH  
XX  
~IDH**


	37. Chapter 37

**~~S~~ **

**37**

Carlisle flicked the tip of his wand toward Robin without uttering a word, and everyone turned in sync to see what would happen to the kid.

"That was actually kind of anticlimactic," Superman mumbled as Robin stood there looking like he'd just shit his pants. "You sure we need his help, Em?"

Carlisle just smirked. "Can someone get him a bucket, please?"

Before Bella could stand to help the boy wonder, he lurched over and vomited up a huge slug, immediately followed by three more.

"Oh, that's just gross."

"YES! You're on the team! Can you do that Jake next?"

* * *

**A/N: In my defense... IdH's plan was NOT obvious! lol. I swear I stared at the word glue forever trying to figure out where she was going with that. How the hale are they supposed to get anything done all glued together? Life lessons here people... don't try this at home. lol**

**I made a small attempt to move the plot forward here... it didn't work. 100 words are not a lot. So now our team is metaphorically working together to catch the Voldeturimorts... or whatever KK called them, and everyone still hates Jake. **

**Love to all. You guys are so awesome!**

**xx**

**HT**


	38. Chapter 38

**~~S~~ **

**38**

"Hey, Wand Boy," Superman sighed as he attempted to comfort Catwoman after the disgusting display, "how the fuck will puking up slimy slugs help save the world?"

"It won't," Carlisle said, shoving his wand into his cloak. "I just wanted to get the twink to shut the hell up."

"HULK SMASH!"

The entire room cringed as Emmett's alter-ego slammed his massive green-tinged fists into the table, sending shards splintering sideways.

"Me want answers…NOW!"

"The Voldemorturi's weakness is a closely guarded secret," Robin coughed, wiping slime off his lips. "The only way to find out…is to send one of us undercover."

* * *

**A/N: PLOT MOVEMENT! We're going undercover! Sweet!  
**

**Dude...slug vomit?! That's something I would do! Not my sweet Tot!**

**I tried to milk a cow today at our local farm show...but they were all boys. Oops! They had fun :-)**

**MWAH!**

**MR**


	39. Chapter 39

**~~S~~ **

**39**

"I'll do it," Catwoman volunteered.

"What? No!" Superman roared. "Hell no!"

"Excuse me? Did you just _forbid_ me?"

The Superfriends scurried to the edges of the room like they were tossed into the Gravitron ride at the county fair. Even Hulk stepped back from the volatile pair.

"Baby," Superman started, "can't we talk about this like adults?"

"Sure, _baby_. Here's the mature version. I wave my tits in front of Aromort. He stiffens like a flagpole. I suck him to one inch of his life and tease him with my cat-o'-nine-tails 'til he spills his secrets like a one-legged barmaid."

* * *

**A/N: I was trying to come up with something that would spill a lot of stuff. Got a better idea? You think it's EASY keeping up with these two taters?  
**

**OMG, is Superman a male chauvinist PIG? *GASP***

**My nest is empty now. Well, there's the mister. Rager at the Halloweens!**

**MR- you cannot milk a bull. Well, you can, but blech.**

**HT, whaddya say? Sound like a plan or you want to find Iron Man and Captain America? **

**xx  
~IDH**


	40. Chapter 40

**~~S~~ **

**40**

"Ooo! Can I watch?" Jake asked, leering at Bella's chest.

"Could you just shut the fuck up for two seconds?" Superman spat. "She's obviously joking."

"Was she?" Jasper eyed Bella with a hint of disgust on his face.

"Of course she was! Right, ba-Bella?"

Catwoman rolled her eyes and addressed Carlisle. "Can't you whip up some kind of magic spell or potion we can give this guy? I'm not going to whore myself out to help a bunch of people who would sooner throw me to the wolves than give me a bowl of milk, but Spiderchick and I can…"

* * *

**A/N: WHEEEEEEE! That I da Ho sure does live up to her name, huh? ;)**

**LOVE YOU, PUNKIN!**

**Thanks for sticking with us, peeps! Sorry it's taking me longer than usual lately! Them's the breaks sometimes!**

**Love to all!**

**xoxo**

**HT**


	41. Chapter 41

**~~S~~ **

**41**

"…go in covertly and see what they're planning."

The wizard shyly raised his hand. "May I ask which one of you is the, er, Spiderchick?"

"Um, hello you Limy bastard," the Black Widow spat as she sauntered forward, her leather-encased hips swaying, "I'd be the Spiderchick."

"Oh!" Carlisle squeaked, his cheeks flushing pink.

"I'm going too," Wonder Woman said as she stood. Hulk growled low in his chest, making the glasses on the table shimmy and shake. "I'll be fine, you big baby."

Superman tried to stifle a giggle when Hulk whimpered and whined like a reprimanded puppy.

"Game on."

* * *

**A/N: It wasn't until I was writing this chapter that I realized who the Spiderchick was. So I just incorporated it into the chapter! My cluelessness...your humor!  
**

**The game is on. The girls are going in...probably with some help from the wizard. **

**I have no idea. **

**Hope you guys have a better day than I'm having! **

**MWAH!  
MR**


	42. Chapter 42

**~~S~~ **

**42**

"Faster!" Rose coaxed the leather-clad women at her heels.

_I could snag those star-spangled panties and haul her back with a Wonder Wedgie she'd never forget_, Catwoman fantasized, but with the male superfriends hot on their trail, this was no time for a catfight.

"Ahh. There she is!"

"Where?" Widow asked, squinting into nothingness.

"JUMP!" Rose ordered.

Catwoman leapt, turned a double flip, and landed with a surprised hiss on a soft, leather seat. "Alrighty then. This thing got any gas?"

Black Widow snorted. "Speaking of gas, how'd you like Hulk's trouser tuba concert back there?"

_"What_ trousers?" Catwoman meowed.

* * *

**A/N: I had one plan for this chapter. GET US THE HELL OUT OF THAT ROOM! Mission accomplished.**

**Okay, so the girls are on the run in WW's invisible plane. How does that thing work anyway? No idea, but there are some interesting pics on the interwebs. And speaking of research, Urban dictionary has fart synonyms, 260 of them, and at least half had me laughing out loud. Go. Get your fart on. You'll thank me. You might not.**

**XX  
~IDH**


	43. Chapter 43

**~~S~~ **

**43**

Alice laughed at Bella. "You might be alright after all, pussycat."

"People can change. Just saying."

"When you two are done with your little love-fest back there, you may be interested in knowing we've got someone tailing us," Rose barked from what Bella assumed was the driver seat.

"I thought we're supposed to be invisible in this contraption," Alice complained.

"We are. Someone must've chipped us… or it's someone that can see through anything." Rose raised an eyebrow and glanced back at Bella.

"Oh, for fuck's sake! That overbearing fool! First he doubts my intentions and now he's following me?"

* * *

**A/N: What the heck is Supe thinking? Is this where he has to decide between his lady love and saving the city? IDK!**

**Hope everyone is having a fabulous week! I'm sorry I've been so fail. I pulled something in my back this week and I've been incredibly busy when I wasn't dying on my couch. lol I'll try to pick it back up next week. You guys are so awesome tho! MOOSH to all.**

**xx**

**HT**


	44. Chapter 44

**~~S~~ **

**44**

"Just ignore him," Rose sighed as she navigated the plane toward the Voldamorturi's headquarters.

"How can I ignore him?" Bella barked as she pushed out of her seat and walked toward what she hoped was the end of the invisible aircraft. "Go away!"

"Bella," Superman's disembodied voice echoed through the air, "be reasonable."

"I am being reasonable!" she shouted, rage making her voice shrill.

"Come on, pussycat," he soothed, suddenly appearing beside the see-through jet.

"Don't you pussycat me," Bella hissed, her fingers curling into claws. "This is the only plan that makes sense. Go back with the other supertools!"

* * *

**A/N: Supertools. Awesome.  
**

**Man...the potatoes are in rough shape! Hot Tot is in pain, I'm stressed to the max and our sweet I da Ho has broken her hubs!**

**Your love is the only thing that can make us smile :-)**

**Mwah!  
MR**


	45. Chapter 45

**~~S~~ **

**45**

_JOLT!_

"Holy crap! What was that?" Alice cried, grasping blindly for seat belts she couldn't see.

The plane lurched sideways, throwing all three girls against the opposite wall.

"Bella, make him STOP that!" Rosalie was calm, but her voice revealed a tremor just below the surface.

Digging her claws into the invisible carpeting for leverage, Bella slithered on her belly across the bottom of the plane, where she met Edward's deep blue whirlpools eye-to-eye.

"Baby," she purred, pressing her body along the clear wall that divided her from her badly behaved superhero boyfriend, "let's take a breath together. In . . . out."

* * *

**A/N: Supertools. Awesome. (I agree! It bore repeating.)  
**

**I just took a happy spin through the reviews, and I have to say, YOU PEOPLE ARE NUTS! But thank goodness, because who the hell else would read this shizzle!**

**Did you know that Wonder Woman's MIND flies her plane? Yes, folks. They had me up to that point. Let's see if WW's MIND is stronger than Supe's heavy duty GRIP! Then again, he may be losing his grip! BAHAHA~! AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL, ANYONE?**

**Okay, 'nuf said. (Yeah, like four paragraphs ago.)**

**HOT TOT, whatcha gun' do?**

**xx  
****IDH****  
**


	46. Chapter 46

**~~S~~ **

**46**

"Don't be a smartass, Bella! You know I don't need to breathe," Superman shouted.

"Well if you can be a dumbass, I'm allowed to be a smartass!"

Alice snorted. "Nice one. You two need to wrap this up. We'll be there momentarily."

"Please! Just promise you're coming home to me when this is over," Edward pleaded.

Bella softened infinitesimally. "Go. I can't deal with this now," she muttered. Edward pressed his hand against the outside of the plane, its size dwarfing Bella's tiny paw before flying away.

"It's for the best, furball. Get ready. We're landing in three… two… one."

* * *

**A/N: Awww... looks like they're not too happy. **

**Sorry for the delay (again). I actually had this one written but my internet keeps going out tonight. It's always something!**

**Thanks for the love, as always! You guys are awesome!**

**xx**

**HT**


	47. Chapter 47

**~~S~~ **

**47**

"Tell me again how we're supposed to get into the compound?" Bella hissed as she dashed her hand across her damp eyes, hating the tears that still oozed. She detested being mean to her Superstud.

"Wizard boy gave me these vials. They contain a polyjuice potion or some shit. Apparently we're all supposed to turn into a member of the Polyphonic Spree," Rose said as she handed out the tiny glass containers.

"You weren't listening at all, were you, Wonder Bitch?" Alice sighed as she popped the cap and downed the contents. "It'll turn us into that bitch, Poison Ivy."

* * *

**A/N: Dude...I da Ho and Hot Tot are amazeballs. I'm honored to get to work with them.  
**

**Polyphonic Spree...a crazy sorta cult-like band from the early 2000s. Why do I know this? I have no idea. **

**Have I mentioned I haven't read/seen HP? So all my info comes from your awesome reviews and HP wiki.**

**Poison Ivy...Uma Thurman played her in the George Clooney Batman version if I'm not mistaken. Why did I decide to add her? **

**BECAUSE I'M FUCKING COVERED IN THE STUFF!**

**I'm itchy and you're awesome!**

**MWAH!**

**MR **


	48. Chapter 48

**~~S~~ **

**48**

"Forget it then," Rose said, her wondrous bosom heaving with every word. "Hell if I need that wand-wielding wuss's tainted tincture to seduce Aro Voldemorturi."

"I'm with Rose on this, Widow. You know Batman can't resist Poison Ivy. Supe and I have enough problems—I don't need Batfreak looking at me like I'm a ripe mango."

Alice fisted her tiny hands against her hips. "Well, fuck you two very much! Now I have to deal with the Caped Crusader's creamstick alone?"

Catwoman laughed. "Don't kid yourself, Alice. Batman hasn't looked at a pussy since Robin started wearing those yellow panties."

* * *

**A/N: So MR steps into poison ivy and I have to do hours of research on another new character? Stay out of the woods, I BEG YOU, MR! And feel better. That stuff be nasty! And did you know that bats eat EVERYTHING? BLECH.**

**So which superfemme is going to arouse the interest of the Peen of Evil? This could be interesting.**

**Can Catwoman and Superman patch things up? Sure, he was an overprotective ass, but can he redeem himself?**

**I hope so. I love a happy ending.**

**Where will you take us next, HT?**

**xx and Happy Labor Day, everyone! Stay safe if you're on the roads!  
~IDH**


	49. Chapter 49

**~~S~~ **

**49**

Alice snorted. "Good point. Though can you blame him? Did you see the way filled those babies out up front?"

"Girl, why would you even be looking when you go home with Hawkeye every night? He really knows how to drive that arrow home," Bella purred.

"The fuck you know know about my man's arrow?"

"Reowwwww… Retract those claws, Widow."

"Wrap it up, you two. We have company," Rose interrupted.

Bella's head snapped up as two men approached. They would've been identical except the one with long, solid black hair appeared quite decrepit compared to his younger, white blond-headed brother.

* * *

**A/N: AHHHHH! Marcus and Cain? I can't remember the other brother's name now. lol. Ah well, Not surprising for me these days. We're finally meeting some Voldematuri's! I wanted them to come out right away but somebody got catty. *grins***

**Happy Labor Day weekend, beautiful readers! We love y'all so much!**

**xx**

**HT**


	50. Chapter 50

**~~S~~ **

**50  
**

"Well hello," the blond one cooed, reaching out toward Wonder Woman with lecherous eyes.

"I found these two scaling the fence," the fake Poison Ivy barked as she quickly grabbed her cohorts' arms, yanking them forward. Catwoman suppressed a hiss at the rude treatment.

"Good job, Ivy," the one with black hair giggled, covering his mouth to quiet his inane laughter. "You've done an excellent job. Now we can use them as bait to get the rest of the Superfools right where we want them."

"Exactly," Alice replied with a nod, sending Ivy's signature pink-red hair bouncing around her face.

* * *

**A/N: Don't worry, folks, we've taken Hot Tot's Twi-hard card away. Cain? Really, my love? She had a brain fart. We still love her.  
**

**So the girls are going to the dungeon! Wonder if anyone else is gonna be down there? Maybe there's a secret lake and Aquaman will show up! **

**Now I think we're just trying to see how ridiculous we can make this.**

**Aren't you glad you're along for the ride?  
**

**MWAH!**

**MR**


	51. Chapter 51

**~~S~~ **

**51  
**

"Pshh, yeah right," Wonder Woman sneered. "Who do you think's coming for Skankwoman here?"

"_Me_? If I were you, Wondertits, I'd be—"

"Ladies, ladies," the younger one said, "I'm quite sure there's a man in shining lycra out there for each of you."

Bella sidled up to the greasy, dark-haired villain and purred. "Maybe I was hoping to meet someone new."

"Mmm, is that right?" Maniacal laughter erupted from his rouge lips, and Catwoman squelched the urge to barf up a hair ball. "Let me be of service then. My name is Aro, and this is my cousin, Caius."

* * *

**A/N: NOW we're getting ridiculous? I think that invisible airplane sailed, MR. Oh poor HT. Who's been filling your head with biblical brothers? OH WAIT! OMG! Did SM name Aro and Caius for Abel and Cain? Holy epic realizations! Nah, probably not.**

**All yours, Hottie.**

**xoxo  
~IDH**


	52. Chapter 52

**~~S~~ **

**52  
**

"Brother, must we continue on with this ruse?" A ragged voice from the corner nearly scared the fur off of Catwoman's pussy.

"Holy fucking hell," she murmured, "I am not taking the creepy fucker that apparently likes to perv over his brother's jollies."

"Can you ever just shut the fuck up?" Rose whispered.

"Another brother?" Alice continued, ignoring them. "Three of you and three of us. How convenient!"

"My eldest brother wants me to cut to the chase, ladies. We know who you are and why you're here, and we are ever so delighted you fell into our master plan!"

* * *

**A/N: In my defense... Cain and Caius are verrrrrrry similar. *nods* What the duck is going on, guys? Are the women being held hostage? Is it a switch and bait? IDK! **

**Thank you guys so much for your patience with me! You guys rock so hard!**

**xx**

**HT**


	53. Chapter 53

**~~S~~ **

**53  
**

"The _fuck_ you say?" Rose snapped.

"I'm afraid you've been set up," Aro giggled.

"Set up by whom?" Bella purred, her claw-like nails at the ready.

"I believe he was calling himself Potter," the eldest brother rasped, his rheumy eyes meeting Bella's across the room. "But we like to call him James."

"That motherfuckering wizard!" Just as the words left Alice's mouth, her Poison Ivy disguise melted away, leaving her standing in just her black leather unitard.

"I'd let that spider spin a sticky web around me," the creepy blond brother cooed as he reached down and adjusted his package.

* * *

**A/N: POTTER! NOOOOOO!  
**

**Eh...I figured he was expendable! **

**Holy gross package adjustment! Who will save our poor super heroines?**

**We're lucky you love us, because this shit is going downhill fast!  
MWAH!**

**MR**


	54. Chapter 54

**~~S~~ **

**54  
**

"Let's cut to the chase. What's the plan?" While Rose distracted the skeeve brothers, Catwoman slipped her fingers into her body suit and tapped out 999 on her cell, praying Superman would remember their agreement.

_"Nine lives, baby. I don't need rescuing. Got it?"_

_"Yeah, yeah, I got it."_

_"Will you turn off that damn Xbox?"_

_"I'm multi-tasking. I'm a superhero, baby. Seriously, I can handle two conversations."_

"It's simple but diabolical," said the blonde. "Supervillain 101 stuff. Marcus dangles you three over a pit of green, thick, and thoroughly disgusting crud while Aro robs every major bank in Forks."

* * *

**A/N: Who has faith in Superman? **

**Must be a shitton of major banks in Forks for them to have devised such an elaborate plan!**

**xx  
~IDH**


	55. Chapter 55

**~~S~~ **

**55  
**

"Hold up a minute," Bella interjected. "You're telling me that you've captured three female superheroes-"

"Your superhero status is still up for debate, Catgirl," Rose interjected.

Bella flipped Rose off and continued, "Just to cause chaos with the rest of the superidiots so you can rob banks? Can't Wizard Asshole wave his wand around and Accio that shit to you?"

"Wait, you know the names of the spells? You're one of them aren't you, bitch?" Rose started pulling on Bella's hair and flesh, trying to remove her disguise.

"No, moron! Edward likes to read in bed while we cuddle, okay?"

* * *

**A/N: I AM SO SORRY! I just forgot. I'm fail. I need a new brain. I made Edward love cuddles and reading to make up for it tho. There were so many things I wanted to do with this chapter tho... dumb 100 word limit!**

**Love you guys hard!**

**xoxo**

**HT**


	56. Chapter 56

**~~S~~ **

**56  
**

"Will everyone _please_ shut up!"

Every head in the room whipped around toward the very angry person who'd somehow entered without anyone noticing.

"You!" Rose sneered as she released the death-grip she had on Bella's hair and started across the room toward the newcomer. "I'm going to _kill_ you, Wizardboy!"

"Finite Incantatum," the imposter said, causing his blond hair and blue eyes to melt away into boring brown.

"You look better as a brunette," Alice chirped, earning her a glare from both her cohorts. "What? He does."

Bella opened her mouth to speak, but a sudden rumbling silenced her words.

* * *

**A/N: Cuddlingward...nothing better! Wait...I know what's better! A rescue!  
**

**What's that rumbling, I da Ho?**

**MWAH!**

**MR**


	57. Chapter 57

**~~S~~ **

**57  
**

Look! Up in the sky!"

"It's a bird!"

"That's no bird," Alice countered, squinting up into the clouds, "unless you're counting turkeys. It's the bat plane."

"Wheeee!" Aro clapped his hands together like a little boy opening his new train set on Christmas morning. "Our first mouse has come for the cheese! Quick, Marcus, prepare the vat of rancid sludge and string up the girls while I roll out the welcome mat for Man-of-pointy-ears-and-little-brain."

"Oh hell no!" Rose yelled, thrusting her right toe to the side and pushing off into her Wonder Woman spin.

"_Tenaci!_"

A steel belt encircled them . . .

* * *

**A/N: A rumbling, eh, MR? I thought maybe Aro was just hungry. Then I thought maybe it was Iron Man, but Lord only knows what would happen if I gave him to HT and MR to play with! So where's Supe? What's gonna happen next? And, oh! The gripping spell sounds like it might be a little kinky! Just sayin'...**

**I dot-dot-dotted HT! *giggles***

**xxx  
~IDH**


	58. Chapter 58

**~~S~~ **

**58  
**

…squishing the girls together until they could hardly breathe. The batmobile landed neatly, with a timid-looking Jake behind the wheel, waving his fisted arm around in the air in a show of bravery.

"This is who they send to rescue us? You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Alice yelled, still struggling against the steel cable.

"Hey!" Bella barked. "Give him a break! Your boyfriend didn't even show up!"

"Keep your fucking mouth shut about my man, pussywhore!" Alice swung her head to the side in a sad attempt to headbutt Bella.

Three heads turned in rapt fascination to watch...

* * *

**A/N: STOP THE PRESSES! A timely update from me? ERMAHGERSH!**

**So... are these girls really pissed at each other or is this just a diversionary tactic? Bella defending Jake is questionable, peeps. WHO KNOWS!**

**Happy Monday! You guys rock my socks off. **

**xx ~ HT**


	59. Chapter 59

**~~S~~ **

**59  
**

…as the girls spat and bit at each other. Jake leaned through the window of the batmobile and watched the action with a goofy smile.

"Ah!" Marcus cried suddenly, reaching up to grab at the arrow piercing his chest. Aro, Potter and the blond brother hit the floor as arrows rained down from above.

"I _told _you my man would come!" Alice sneered, glaring at Bella.

"You were right, I was wrong," Bella conceded as she used her claws to saw through the cables holding them.

"Batman…you actually want to _do_ something?" Rose yelled as the villains started to run.

* * *

**A/N: ERMAHGERSH! I love Tot's words! I want to moosh her hardcore!  
**

**So Batman and Hawkeye are there. Wonder if anyone else will show!  
**

**MWAH! **

**MR**


	60. Chapter 60

**~~S~~ **

**60  
**

"Oh, shit! There's no building to scale," Batman muttered as the bad guys escaped. "Hmm, there must be something on my utility belt for this situation . . ."

While Batman inventoried his tools, Black Widow yelled to her leather-clad archer, "Get 'em, Hawk!"

"I'm all out of arrows, babe. I shot my wad a bit prematurely . . . again."

"'S'okay, babe," Alice consoled him.

"Are you superfuckups for real?" Catwoman yelled, realizing not for the first time that her superhero had more power in his pinky than the rest of them had in their combined so-called super bods. "Juice up your flying phallus, Rose!"

* * *

**A/N: I'm so happy I beat MR to the premature ejaculation this time! :) *pats self on tater back***

**What? Nobody else noticed the resemblance of the invisible plane to a certain phallic symbol? Puh-LEEZ! Looks like the girls are gonna have to do ALL the work! Unless...**

**I've been catching up on the reviews, and I just have to say, YOU GUYS ARE CRAZIER THAN WE ARE! And god we love ya for it. Please don't stop. **

**All yours, HT!**

**xx  
~IDH**


	61. Chapter 61

**~~S~~ **

**61  
**

Just as Wonder Woman's plane rumbled to life, red laser beams shot across the sky, drawing a perfect circle around the escaping villains.

"Yeah, Superbaby!" Bella yelled, still sawing the steel cables with her claws. "And hurry the fuck up or the building's going to crush us!"

"Get the Voldemoturi's or the wizard will help them escape!"

Edward's eyes darted between the love of his life and the escaping villains. Save three or save the world? The decision should've been easy, but one of those three was _his_ world.

"Go get your woman, Supe. I got these guys!"

"Iron Man!?"

* * *

**A/N: So... somewhere along the way, I forgot about the cliche part... and about the Superman having to chose part. Ta-Daaa! Now we don't have to change our summary! BAHAHA**

***FLAILS!* We're at almost 800 reviews! YOU GUYS ARE SO AWESOME. I think some of you are paying more attention than we are! LOL I tried to answer reviews this morning and got a bunch done before FFN started being a douchenozzle. I'll try to catch you tomorrow if I missed you today!**

**OMG! IRON MAN IS HERE! (Did you really think we'd write a superhero fic with an impossible mesh of superhero's from two different world and NOT include Iron Man? Om nom nom)**

**BTW... I love my fellow taters so much. This clusterduck would not be possible without them!**

**What's next, MR?**

**xx**

**HT**


	62. Chapter 62

**~~S~~ **

**62  
**

"Stop," Ironman shouted as he lifted the glass shield of his mask. His boosters kept him levitating ten feet above the action.

"Fuck off, you rusty piece of scrap metal!" Aro snarled as he struggled to open a secret hatch in the floor. Potter was beside him, waving his wand around. "Do something you useless Wizard."

"I'm trying!" Potter hissed, "I can't remember the damn spells!"

"What an idiot," Superman sighed as he easily lifted all three of the girls in his arms and took off into the sky.

"What about the bad guys?" Catwoman purred into his ear seductively.

* * *

**A/N:OMG...we might actually have done something we set out to do!  
**

**That's amazeballs!**

**I can feel it winding down *thank GAWD!***

**But I'm sure we can squeeze in some sex.**

**Right I da HO?**

**MWAH!  
MR**


	63. Chapter 63

**~~S~~ **

**63  
**

"There's only one bad boy that should be your concern, Pussycat, and he's about to pop through my Kevlar crotch."

"Ugh, Do you mind, you two?" Black Widow complained. "I can hear through every hair on my body, and I'd appreciate a little restraint."

Superman's eyebrows popped up as a huge, playful grin appeared on his face. "Restraints! Now there's a great idea!"

"Rrrawwwwwrr!" Catwoman purred. "Those new Kryptonite cuffs arrived last week, and—"

Rose chuffed, then interrupted. "So, Supe, just out of curiosity, what would you have done if Iron Man hadn't shown up just at that moment?"

* * *

**A/N: Look at Rose trying to cause strife. ****Poor Black Widow. Poor ME. I had to look up how spiders hear. Blech. (No offense if anyone out there is an arachnophile.)**

**Let's see. Have we written a story yet that didn't have handcuffs? Gawd, I sure hope NOT!**

**You guys and your reviews are just . . . taterlicious! MWAH to every one of you nutcakes for sticking with us!**

**What sayeth Superman, Hot Tot?**

**xxx  
~IDH**


	64. Chapter 64

**~~S~~ **

**64  
**

"Stop stirring shit, Rose," Bella hissed. "I had the situation totally under control. He would've gotten the villains. Right, baby?"

"Uhh… hell no!" Edward shook his head vehemently. "You think I want to go back and face a huge, green-assed Hulk and fucking Hawkeye after telling them I let their women die to catch a couple of two-bit crooks?"

"Hey!" Aro yelled.

"Shut it, Asswad." Iron Man finished tying off the rope holding the three brothers together. "I'll take care of these guys. See you guys on the flip side." With a wave, he set his boosters and took off.

* * *

**A/N: *sigh* Iron Man.**

**Time for some sexin', methinks!**

**xx**

**HT**


	65. Chapter 65

**~~S~~ **

**65  
**

Bella twisted in Edward's arms and waved to Alice and Rose as Edward pushed off the ground, airborne in seconds. Emmett and Jasper had grudgingly thanked Superman for rescuing their girls, even though they were adamant they could have gotten them out without the Man of Steel's help. The superheroines waved back before their men absconded with them for a well-needed reunion.

"So you didn't save the world," Bella said as she snuggled into Edward's arms, "but you did get the girl."

"In my eyes, saving the girl _means_ saving the world," Edward replied, looking down into her golden-brown eyes.

* * *

**A/N: I am SO sorry for the delay. I was busy getting busy.**

**So...save the girl, save the world. **

**Let's get horizontal and get it on, shall we, I da HO?**

**MWAH!**

**MR**


	66. Chapter 66

**~~S~~ **

**66  
**

"Sweetie, speaking of those eyes of yours . . ."

With a guilty shrug, Superman lifted his x-ray beams from Bella's chest and muttered, "Sorry."

Bella dragged her index finger seductively across her boyfriend's cheek, popping it between his lips. "Mm, that's not exactly what I was gonna say."

"No?" Edward swirled his tongue around the welcome intrusion and grinned. "What can I do for you, Pussycat?"

Brushing her tits against Superman's massive insignia, Bella said, "I was thinking you'd find us a nice cloud, and we could renew our membership in the mile-high club."

"Now, that's what I call a silver lining!"

* * *

**A/N: We were a little short on cliches lately. *grins***

**So I accidentally went back to reread the beginning of this story, completely forgetting about the clusterf*ck dream sequence. Holy mother of embarrassing missteps, Batman. If you're still here and reading this nonsense, you truly deserve a trophy. Now, who's brave enough to admit it?**

**Seems like we might be *fingers crossed* winding down? Or boning up? Are we bringing this plane in with a soft landing or a nose dive, taters? I don't know if I'll get another chance here, so let me just say it's been . . . super weird, but never boring. **

**IF we do this again (and someone should probably stop us) can we PLEASE not have pot-bellied pigs or intergalactic mischief or supervillains or a BDSM crime ring? (notice I didn't say anything about the slip 'n' slide in Pledge Week!) Any requests? Bahahaha!**

**REALLY love you all for sticking with this. ****I love my fellow taters but I'm not all that sorry to wrap this one up!****  
xxx ~IDH**


	67. Chapter 67

**~~S~~ **

**67  
**

Bella giggled as Edward ran his fingertips lightly up her sides. They'd already shed their clothes, which were hanging precariously over Superman's toe, and Bella was straddling her superhero's waist while he stayed suspended in the middle of a thick cloud.

"I forgot how… wet… this was," she said, running a finger up her man's dew-soaked chest.

"Mmm…" he grinned mischievously. "You know how much I love a wet pussy."

Grinning, Bella rolled her eyes. "I'm about to make you a very happy man then."

Ever so slowly, Bella lifted her hips and slid down Edward's raging manhood of steel.

* * *

**A/N: IDK what da Ho is talking about. This is Pulitzer material right here, guys.**

**Dude... is that gonna be the last pussy joke? And did you see? I snuck manhood of steel in there, too! #win!**

**If it doesn't get around to me, thank you guys so much. Sorry I was so much fail this go around. I will try to do better, but that's life sometimes!**

**Love you guys hard. And my potatoes in crime rock my world and make it a better place in general. I be's lucky to haz them. :)**

**xx**

**HT**


	68. Chapter 68

**~~S~~ **

**68  
**

"I love...fucking…you," Edward hissed into Bella's ear as he gripped her hips tightly, angling her backward so the length of his cock slid deep.

"I fucking…love…you," Bella sighed, the breath forced out of her lungs with the force of Edward thrusting beneath her.

"So much, baby," he moaned as he slowly stilled his motions and pushed Bella up so he could see her face. "I love you so much."

"I can guarantee I love you more," Bella replied with a cocky smile and a swivel of her hips.

"No way," Edward chuckled as he flipped them over on the cloud.

* * *

**A/N: I am SO sorry! I'm fail. Complete and total fail. **

**Maybe I da Ho can work in a 69 next chapter to make up for my horribleness. **

**I LOVE YOU GUYS!**

**MWAH!**

**MR**


	69. Chapter 69

**~~S~~ **

**69**

"Actions speak louder than words," Bella proclaimed.

"Eager beaver! I give you eight inches; you take a yard."

_"Please,"_ she purred. "You hit the nail on the head."

"I'm no Johnny-come-lately!"

"I know! Now, how about putting your nose to my grindstone?"

Edward snickered. "I'll leave no stone unturned."

"Et tu, Brute? Shall I put my mouth where my moneymaker is?"

"Dunno, pussycat. Once bitten, twice shy."

"Aww, you know my bark is worse than my bite."

Superman's smile lit up the night sky. "Helllllo, Kitty!"

Cuddled up and giggling softly together, they pelted each other with clichés through sunrise.

***And they lived happily ever after!***

* * *

**A/N: Here we are, chapter 69. Can anyone think of a more appropriate number to put an end to this shizzle badizzle? The "quit-while-you're-ahead" method would've had us stopping around chapter 6, so that didn't work! I cheated a little and didn't count the HEA line in my word count. Whatchagonnadoboudit?**

**Well, this has been some interesting journey. Save the Catwoman, save the world and all, one cliche at a time. As ever, I thank my amazing fellow taters for being their spudsy selves. I think we might be ready to write the great romance now. Maybe not NOW now, but later. Much later. Anywho, I sure do love the shit outta you two.**

**And YOU! Yes, YOU! You readers are the craziest bunch of fandom fic friends a potato might ever hope to have. Thank you for cheering us on and tossing in your own brand of nuts whenever possible. It just goes to show, there is no limit on the creative energy out here. Let's all remember what the Superfriends have taught us- we MUST use our powers for good and not evil. **

**BIG HUGE SUPERKISSES to anyone who braved this story. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Get some help. Thank you.**

**MWAH!  
XXX ~IDH (aka BOH)**


End file.
